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Dear Daisy Dog

I need career advice for my animals, so they can earn their keep.

My derelict dog Kelsey, an English springer spaniel, snores loudly but cannot use a keyboard. My freeloading felines, Bonnie and Clyde, attack the paper as fast as my printer ejects it.

I put food in their front ends and clean up what comes out their back ends. It’s time they did some work.

What educational path should they pursue so they can write an advice column and generate their own income?

Daisy Responds

Contrary to your impression, your pets already earn their keep.

Their services are worth much more than what we make writing this column.

For starters, you are healthier and happier, simply because you live with them.

Studies prove that people who live with animals enjoy better physical and mental health than people who don’t.

For example:
– People with pets have lower blood pressure, cholesterol and triglyceride levels than people without pets.
– Pet owners have fewer minor medical problems and better emotional health than non-owners.
– A pet in the household decreases heart attack mortality by three percent. That means we pets save 30,000 human lives every year.
– People with borderline hypertension have lower blood pressure on days they take their dogs to work.
– Children who live with pets during their first year of life have less trouble with allergies and asthma as they grow up than children without pets.
– During divorce, children with pets show less irritability, aggression, vandalism and attention-seeking behavior than children without pets.
– Seniors with pets visit their doctors 21 percent less often than seniors without pets.
– When animals and plants are added to nursing homes, patients’ medication costs drop 69 percent.

Furthermore, we pets help you become better humans: We teach you to find joy in the present, instead of worrying about the past and future. We’re non-judgmental, and we love you unconditionally.

If you’d like to learn more about the invaluable services your pets already provide to ensure that you remain physically and emotionally healthy, contact the Delta Society at 425-226-7357, or visit their Web site at

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